Last Auto News Blog: project car hell

Welcome to Project Car Hell, where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! The sporty Simca beat up on the magnificent Humber in our last Choose Your Eternity poll, meaning France gets the PCH Superpower trophy… once it's out of the shop, that is. Today we're going to look at the sort of cars that ~~desperate~~ motivated sellers often refer to as "head turners." You know, it's weird and sort of cool, but also sort of horrible… and wouldn't it be fun to own one?

The Basement Lambo was great, but who's got that kind of time? You might not want a Fiero-based Fieroborghini, but how about something in between? Say, this tube-framed, turbo Buick V6-powered Lamborghini Countach replica (go here if the ad disappears), which is priced at a low, low, super-low $8,000!
Now, part of the reason this car is so cheap might be that the general pall of loserness cast by the sword-sliced Muncie home invaders (see photo, above) has depressed all values in the Indianapolis area, but don't let that stop you! This thing has an '87 Buick Grand National turbo V6 installed, though it "needs the turbo piped," and there's nothing wrong with the body that "a small amount of bondo cant fix."

That Backyard Lambo would be fast, once you solved all the turbo bugs and cranked up the boost, but it's still an imitation of a more expensive machine. Get yourself a Stutz Blackhawk, however, and you'll have a genuine original, a car designed from the outset to knock 'em dead at the casinos of ~~Pahrump~~ Las Vegas! Don't listen to those low-rolling Keno players who moan about the Blackhawk being based on a Pontiac Grand Prix, because that would be a slap in the faces of owners such as Elvis, Frank Sinatra, Evel Knieval, and Lucille Ball! You'd think it would be impossible, totally out of the realm of possibility, to purchase a project Blackhawk at a price even close to that of the Backyard Lambo's, but we've tracked down this 1972 Stutz Blackhawk (go here if the ad disappears). Yes, you're seeing that price correctly: $7,500! There's some roughness ~~throughout the car~~ around the edges, but it's a runner: "car runs but has not been on the road for more than 10 years." We're assuming that means the engine makes noise and/or smoke, but don't fret about that- the good ol' Pontiac drivetrain hardware is cheap and easy to find. The interior stuff might be a little more difficult, but you can just Grand Prix-ize it and the ghost of Lucille Ball might not haunt you as a result. The missing emblems and trim components might be tougher to find, but a real Blackhawk owner can overcome all adversity!

Blackhawk or Backyard Lambo?
( surveys)

Welcome to Project Car Hell, where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! Not very surprisingly, the Bristol 408 walloped the Beetle Limo last time, so it seems only right to give another Beetle a shot at PCH glory. Since we're coming up on Halloween, let's have a couple of scary cars; scary for different reasons, yet both with the Grim Reaper riding shotgun.

Everyone knows that the Subaru boxer is pretty close to the same proportions as the air-cooled VW engine, and it can put out well over 200 horsepower without those troublesome shards of metal flying out of the crankcase- you know, the kind you get with a hopped-up VW engine. Mostly you see Porsche 914s, VW Transporters, and maybe the occasional Baja Bug with the Subie treatment, but how about a daily-driver Beetle with the 220+ horsepower engine out of a WRX? Let's see, that's a power-to-weight ratio similar to that of a Saturn V rocket, only without the lame safety stuff. But you're busy, no time to go hunting for a wrecked WRX and a dead-engined Beetle, so that means you need someone else's unfinished project. Say, this '76 Beetle with WRX engine, which has an asking price of only $3,000. The engine is there, but not quite running: "THE ONLY THING IT NEEDS TO TURN ON IS THE ECU FUEL MANAGEMENT SYSTEM." Don't let that scare you, though- how hard could solving that problem be? Also informative is the seller's statement "THIS HAS BEEN AN ONGOING PROJECT WHICH WE CAN'T SEEM TO FINISH DUE TO TIME." That won't be a problem for you! And if when you finish this car, you'll be able to experience some really ~~lethal~~ oversteer, which will leave all your friends ~~shaking their heads at your grave~~ in awe!

If you want a vehicle that smells like certain death, perhaps it's best if that death could be that of someone other than you. That's why a hearse is the way to roll, but forget all about those Cadillacs. Forget the Pontiacs and Buicks and even Oldsmobiles, too, because you'll be stuck in a traffic jam of all-too-commonplace GM hearses every time you go anywhere. You need a European hearse, one with a name that's sure to be confused with an unrelated American vehicle, such as this 1979 Ford Granada hearse. Yes, the European Granada, which shared no components with the North American Granada other than the blue oval badges. It's got the 2.8 liter V6 that went into the Capri, but you'll need to ditch that for a supercharged 429 ASAP. As for other parts… well, the seller himself admits: "You're at the mercy of E-Bay UK" for that stuff. Does it run? Who knows? Why worry about that when you get a John Deere Green casket? Thanks to about 45 PCH tipsters for sending this one in!
Subaru-powered Beetle or British hearse?
( polls)

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